This semester has done numerous things to me, my goals and aspirations, and the overall feeling I have for my life. As is expected it is a “life changing” experience and we are expected to feel a certain amount of change in ourselves and in the decisions that we make. That concept is obviously the reason I have to write this paper. To explain what has happened and how I have changed and probably on top of that how the college has either helped or hindered me.
To start with my personal changes I would like to state that I immensely and sincerely dislike this place. I find it to be very unpleasant for a myriad of reasons. First being the academic environment, for lack of better words I suppose it could be said that it isn’t “my thing”. I don’t like the academics it defies how I function. By functioning I mean learning so more specifically I learn by private research, no tests no lectures or classes just private research. Discovering the truth for me has always been my forte when I am alone or with a private tutor of some sort, whether it is a relative or a friend. There are certain situations where I do like the classroom but that has to be with a subject I am immensely either good at or interested in. This isn’t whining it is a preference and I am not saying that the school structure is bad or anything I just don’t like it. Unfortunately it is something that I must get over and just deal with, I did not do that well this semester but since I have my bearings now I believe next semester will be much more beneficial.
Secondly I can’t stand the people here. I think they lack intelligence for one, either that or a lack on how to use it effectively in a social matter above anything outside of schoolwork. And it must be my fault I feel this way because I can honestly say I do not like my age group at all, they go out, get drunk, have sex, and act on impulse because they think that they are “grown up”. I can honestly admit that I am not grown up, but that has little to do with acting like a moron and doing things that are unwise, I don’t have to be grown up to make sure I don’t do anything that would harm me or anyone else in such a way. Why does this pertain to me personally you as? Well it affects who I wish to hang out with, what I want to do with my life at this point, and who is going to affect me personally. I just do not like it, nearly all the college students because they act like idiots! “Hey Marshall wanna go out and get drunk then get laid by this chick you don’t even know!?” That is what I am presented with, what is this stupidity that I am forced to be in contact with!?
My goals are pretty simple, I want to find someone to love me for who I am, get married, have kids and be able to support them with a job I enjoy. Pretty much everyone’s dream, am I correct? College is the point in my life that I think I am not going to enjoy, because most of my peers would say, “oh I have all these freedoms, I can do whatever I want!” I don’t say the same unfortunately because these freedoms don’t really mean anything to me. So what? I don’t have to be at work at 8am and I can go around with a bunch of drunken college students and get laid? Now why in the world would that make me happy or free? I want a woman that will stay with me that we can be together a lot and do things together, I want to raise children and have a house and… the magic word of this semester… PRIVACY!! I don’t mind having a roommate but I can honestly say there is nowhere I can go to be alone or in private… how is that freedom!? At least in my own home, apartment, etc, I can go to a room where no one is, have all my stuff set up and not have to pay an extra $1000 to have a little bit of privacy. I am surrounded by people where all they want to do is party and all I want to do is get away from them somehow.
Personally I would say that I haven’t grown at all, in fact I would say that I have regressed if anything else! Before I came here I could tolerate people better, I could concentrate on things, and get things done that I wanted to get done! Since I got here I have actually been slipping! How do you explain this? Whose fault is it? Well I have a very simple answer… it’s my own fault. Not the academics, not my peers whose common sense borders on the farm animals they take care of, but my own fault. I have let this stupidity to a certain extent influence me, where I should be above that. That is why next semester I want to do better and try my best to ignore these short comings I am presented with and I am going to have to put forth more effort into the things that I do.
The same goes for academics, I didn’t put forth nearly any effort and that was my fault no one else. I plan to change that so my goal for next semester is to first off try to be less cynical because honestly it is killing me. Secondly to focus more on my schoolwork so I can transfer out of here and go to a college that at least has more of my interests to distract me from the poor choice of peers I am surrounded by, and thirdly to attempt to find a girl with some brains and decent looks that may have the intention of doing something beyond a one night stand! Other than that I can say this semester borders on a prison for my mind, and I am so happy I am PAYING for this torture… can you sense the hint of sarcasm anyone?